Personal Notes, Uncategorized

A Reason I Don’t Post

I’ve come to realize why I don’t post, why I don’t talk about myself much.

I’m afraid.

I fear what others are going to think, or say. This was instilled in me early by my father. My therapist has been telling me for a long time that I need to work my way around this, somehow, but I still find remnants of this fear in almost every aspect of life.

One reason I don’t post a lot here is that this is a public setting. Anyone, unless I specifically choose a private post setting, can read what I write. That old fear kicks in, and I start self-editing. Is it okay to say thisIs it okay to feel this wayIs it okay to mourn my mother, even though she passed away twenty-some-odd years ago?

The answer to all of those questions is, yes, it is okay. This is MY space (haha!). I can say what I’d like, feel what I’d like, mourn whomever I’d like, because there is no one right way to do anything.

I think that’s an important thing to talk about, especially as a father. I can’t impose my way of managing the world on my children. I can only guide them and try my best to help them as they find their own path. They’ll find their own ways to cope with stress, sadness, anxiety, fear, happiness, and all the other emotions.

But the worst thing I can do is tell them there is one right way to handle those emotions.

The long and short of it is: I’m allowed to write, feel, talk about how I feel without self-editing to what I think someone else would want to hear. So are you.